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Please don't let go by Reimann Please don't let go by Reimann
Some of you might be aware my boyfriend of the past many years left me recently
And you can call me stupid
Childish
Dumb
Dramatic
whatever you want
but I can honestly say that this is the most painful thing I have ever gone through
it surpasses any deaths i've gone through
any trauma and abuse i've gone through in my life
any struggle and any pain I've gone through before
he's the person I felt right with, that person everyone looks for, the one people try to find and never can
and yes he could be mean
he could be cruel
he could be clueless
many times
but the good things about him and the way he treated me surpassed anything bad
and despite how much some things hurt when i was with him
how much i struggled to keep him with me
i was completely happy and felt like no matter what happened everything would be alright
i have no desires or wants or goals in life
and never have
i don't want a 'dream job'
i don't want a specific 'career'
i don't want to go anywhere
i don't want to do anything in the world
i don't want to graduate college
i don't want to draw
i don't enjoy drawing, but i kept doing it because drawing our characters together pushed me to do so
and he was everything in the world to me and more and i would gladly take any pain or punishment that the gods could throw at me to just be with him again
even if i had to just go back and start over
or keep going from here
i'd give up everything and anything for him and to be able to be at his side
i have unbearably painfully realistic dreams-
and last night i ended up dreaming that i was there with him and that i sat and apologized, and i pleaded for his forgiveness and begged him to take me back
and he lied to me and told me everything would be alright, held me, and i was abruptly woken up
and i could still feel it
and it was the most heart shattering, painful thing in the world to me
feeling something that can't happen, but you want so badly to happen
just slip away from you and fade as you sit awake and have no control over it
as it disappears and you can no longer feel it
the only thing you can do is sit and endure it and let it wash over you in realization that no matter what you do
no matter how hard you try
no matter where you go in life
no matter how 'successful'
no matter what
you won't ever have what you want
you won't ever be happy
and it's all a lie








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:iconobstacleblaster:
ObstacleBlaster Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013
Good morning. I'm an author. I write mostly about personal development. While doing a search of the phrase "don't move on, move up," I came across your wonderful blog and this touching, upward-reaching entry. Thanks for being transparent! It is a blessing and source of strength to others. If you are interested, I would love to give you a book I wrote. It is an ebook and easy to read. If so, you can email me at jim@obstacleblaster.com (my blog is called Obstacle Blaster [link]) and let me just say that you are definitely an obstacle blaster.
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:icontijonwolfsmajestys:
TijonWolfsMajestys Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Gosh i wanna cry, this shouldnt have hapened :huggle: theres not one thing wrong with you. And youre totally right success is nothing when youre alone, but your not gonna end up alone. This is just a bump. A painful one but youre making it :) and you have friends here who'll help. Im just a stranger but i can tell you if you ever need to talk or vent send a message :hug: my scenario wasnt exactly like yours but i will be able to relate a bit and understand.
Reply
:iconkc-mishi:
Kc-mishi Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Student General Artist
Two years ago, my boyfriend of 6 years dumped me 2 days after Christmas. I ended up in hospital after that. I'd given up everything to be with him but he'd cheated on me twice that I'd known of but I kept taking him back. When he dumped me, it hurt. I believed I loved him, but it was when he began accusing me of things that I'd never done and yelling and screaming at me that I just shattered. I know my version of the pain you're experiencing but that can't compare to what you're going through and I can only empathise with some of that pain.
You have all of us who love you and are willing to be there for you should you even need to ask for someone's shoulder. I know it isn't the same thing, the pain is absolutely shattering and you want nothing more than to have him hold you again and not let go. I don't know what happened between you both, and I won't pry, but we all wish you the best, and even though you'll never 'get over' the pain, hope that at least you can stand and lessen it to be bearable.
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:iconokamijake:
OkamiJake Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Student General Artist
..Oh god why didn't you say anything? T_T <3

you are neither dumb/childish or stupid..you're simply a human. with feelings. love and loyality, the heart doesn't care if something is healthy..or logic. And that a part of that pain will always stay. I know that we from the outside can't do a lot, but just know we're at your side ... just keep going, there /will/ be better times, I promise, but..they need time. You're an incredibly good hearted person Rei-sama. And in the end good always come to good people...and you for certain deserve good things. ><

I know I'm just somewhat of a stranger, but if you need anything - Skype's always running <3
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:iconnaxrusnekro:
naxrusnekro Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013
Echoes of past pain tears at the at the foundation and wall of our heart, even the very core. Just form reading this I have understood that you are a very brave and strong person and I respect you. Be strong and believe in your heart. I believe in you and I wish you all the good in the world.
Reply
:iconglyfy:
glyfy Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hang in there, hon.
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:iconme111o:
me111o Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013
I understand...I've been there. The pain doesn't go away, but you can make room for it, and as impossible as it seems, it IS possible to feel free again (even if you don't want to right now). It took me a few years after mine to really feel somewhat normal again, but I AM here, and I think I'm okay. Even if you don't move on, move up, focus on something else, something to put your heart into. It's gonna be alright.
Reply
:iconteascribe:
teascribe Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
The art is nice. And I think it's valid to feel hurt when a relationship ends. However, I hope you can find your own passions and cultivate them, because I think it's sad to have no wants, desires, or goals in life. It's like being adrift at sea. And I think everyone needs their own world. Your own world can't leave you or die, and will always be your home. And if you want to share it someday, you can. I'm not sure if this means anything to you, and I hope it's not annoying. I also hope you feel better soon.
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:iconh-harukana:
H-Harukana Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Student Artist
-pat-
Reply
:iconlianne29annika:
lianne29annika Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
this is such a lovely work... it made me teary, i can relate to it... just be strong...
Reply
:iconstoryteller23:
storyteller23 Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
It's not stupid. It was hard for me when my boyfriend and I broke up. It took me forever to get over, and seeing him with my someone else? Well, it hurt a lot. BUt I firmly believe that from this you'll get stronger. And I bet the proof will be found in your art
Reply
:iconvespayik:
Vespayik Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm sorry that you're going through this... I've never been in a relationship before but I've had my heart broken by friends so I think I can relate a little bit to what you're feeling. You're a talented, sensitive person with an eye for beauty and detail. If he did not want to be with you anymore, then it's his loss because you are a great person. I'm not saying you shouldn't feel sad or can't feel sad about this, I would be devastated too if that happened to me. But you can do this. You can. Lots of people believe in you and love you and you can feel better. You are worth so much more than he realizes. I hope you feel better. <3
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:iconarilla93:
Arilla93 Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm sorry this happened to you. I guess everyone has to go through this horrible pain, and sometimes it's not only the hurt from loosing someone that brings pain, but the realization that it happened to you, and not to someone else. It's this moment in life that everyone will go or went through at some point, when we realize we are not unbreakable, when we hit the bottom and it's only up to us to decide if we want to get up or stay there. Sure friends can say kind words or give courage, but this is really up to you, it might sound harsh but it's true. At least it was for me. This builds your experience and character, makes you become stronger person even if you think it weakens you at first. It's a little similar to exercising, when you start going to the gym after first couple of days your muscles are sore, you feel weak and everything hurts and you feel like giving up because it's to troublesome, but after a while you can do more exercises, you get stronger. It's as simple as that. Life is tough and unfair, sometimes we need to be tough and unfair too, "eye for an eye".
This is my view on this. All I can say is I'm deeply sorry for what happened, I hope that at some point it will get better, I think it's good to let those emotions out because there are feelings you might discovered just now and you need to understand how to deal with them. It won't be easy, I won't lie that it is, but i think you know that already. BE strong!
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:iconhotarushidosha:
HotaruShidosha Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I don't want to repeat what everyone else has said but I hope you stay strong and remember we are here for you should you ever need us.
I almost cried reading the description and the picture made it all the more for me to cry.
If you should ever need, don't hesitate to talk :iconcomfortplz:
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:iconmetamoor27:
Metamoor27 Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Student General Artist
That made me cry. You will get through this struggle, you are obviously a beautiful and strong person.
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:iconanime-master:
Anime-Master Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
wow of 4years? That really sucks, I'm sorry to hear that :(
Reply
:iconruzovy:
Ruzovy Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm sorry Rei, I know you put a lot into that relationship, I know you must be in horrible pain now, but you're not alone. To echo everyone else, you have people here who care about you and who you can talk to. Even if it'll never be enough.
Reply
:iconinvokedeath:
invokedeath Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013
Most people think death is the worse thing can ever happen..
Reply
:iconcopperpumpkin:
CopperPumpkin Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I know you don't know me, and I don't know you, but I am here for you if you ever need someone to talk to. I can't imagine losing my fiance...And even thinking about it makes me tear up. I know I don't have the right words to make anything ok, but I know you'll eventually find something else (or maybe someone) that will make you happy again.
Reply
:iconveni-scripsi-vici:
Veni-Scripsi-Vici Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I won't say it'll all be okay, because that was one thing that always made me more upset when someone would tell me that. They couldn't know how much pain I was in, and I can't know how much pain you're in because everyone's pain is different. That pain might never go away, but I hope the razor's edge will dull with time. Please know that you have people here that care about you and are around when you need someone to talk to. I agree with Neku and Tai as well...we might only be here on the net, but we're still here for you. Don't forget that. :huggle:
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:iconnevermorefox:
NevermoreFox Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm not going to try to say anything because I'm just going to trip over my words. I agree with Neku though. You have us. Don't be afraid to give us a poke if you need to.<3
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:iconholographic-neku:
Holographic-Neku Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Student General Artist
Rei, emotional pain can be the worst, nothing good comes without something bad right on its tail. When you are happy horrible things happen and when you are sad good things happen without you seeing them. I've learned this time and time again in many different situations. Remember you have people like Tai and Achie, I'm always here if you need to talk too. though I'ma background character You have people who love you and will always be here to back you up no matter what happens in your life. Sure we may be internet people, people without faces, just text on a computer but we do care.

Just if yah need to talk or just sit in with a call of silly people, poke one of us. Kay?
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:iconesoraurora:
EsorAurora Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
.. -trying not to cry-

I'm really sorry, Rei. I don't know the circumstances exactly.. all I know is that you are truly, deeply, injured. I can only pray that you heal so that even with a scar remaining the wound is bearable and you can move on.

My best wishes for you..
Reply
:iconvicky-pandora:
Vicky-Pandora Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Beautiful ;3; Really amazing, so much feeels ~
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:iconsanguinemiasma:
SanguineMiasma Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Student Digital Artist
This.. this makes me cry. I think almost in the same way, except for a few key differences.

If this is a vent, or a cry, then let it all out. For me, it's better to scream and then to stay quiet, but sometimes we may never get that possibility..
Reply
:iconbluesoulber:
BlueSoulber Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
A heart never does break even
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:iconkasamm:
Kasamm Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh.... I know this doesen't really mean anything to you but... keep being strong, everything will get better at the end don't worry <3 I was Amost crying when I rode the description, it's so sad and you must be terribly heart broken :( But you need to keep thinking positive, things will get better in the end <3
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