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Submitted on
February 5, 2013
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208 (who?)
Please don't let go by Reimann Please don't let go by Reimann
Some of you might be aware my boyfriend of the past many years left me recently
And you can call me stupid
whatever you want
but I can honestly say that this is the most painful thing I have ever gone through
it surpasses any deaths i've gone through
any trauma and abuse i've gone through in my life
any struggle and any pain I've gone through before
he's the person I felt right with, that person everyone looks for, the one people try to find and never can
and yes he could be mean
he could be cruel
he could be clueless
many times
but the good things about him and the way he treated me surpassed anything bad
and despite how much some things hurt when i was with him
how much i struggled to keep him with me
i was completely happy and felt like no matter what happened everything would be alright
i have no desires or wants or goals in life
and never have
i don't want a 'dream job'
i don't want a specific 'career'
i don't want to go anywhere
i don't want to do anything in the world
i don't want to graduate college
i don't want to draw
i don't enjoy drawing, but i kept doing it because drawing our characters together pushed me to do so
and he was everything in the world to me and more and i would gladly take any pain or punishment that the gods could throw at me to just be with him again
even if i had to just go back and start over
or keep going from here
i'd give up everything and anything for him and to be able to be at his side
i have unbearably painfully realistic dreams-
and last night i ended up dreaming that i was there with him and that i sat and apologized, and i pleaded for his forgiveness and begged him to take me back
and he lied to me and told me everything would be alright, held me, and i was abruptly woken up
and i could still feel it
and it was the most heart shattering, painful thing in the world to me
feeling something that can't happen, but you want so badly to happen
just slip away from you and fade as you sit awake and have no control over it
as it disappears and you can no longer feel it
the only thing you can do is sit and endure it and let it wash over you in realization that no matter what you do
no matter how hard you try
no matter where you go in life
no matter how 'successful'
no matter what
you won't ever have what you want
you won't ever be happy
and it's all a lie

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ObstacleBlaster Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013
Good morning. I'm an author. I write mostly about personal development. While doing a search of the phrase "don't move on, move up," I came across your wonderful blog and this touching, upward-reaching entry. Thanks for being transparent! It is a blessing and source of strength to others. If you are interested, I would love to give you a book I wrote. It is an ebook and easy to read. If so, you can email me at (my blog is called Obstacle Blaster [link]) and let me just say that you are definitely an obstacle blaster.
TijonWolfsMajestys Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Gosh i wanna cry, this shouldnt have hapened :huggle: theres not one thing wrong with you. And youre totally right success is nothing when youre alone, but your not gonna end up alone. This is just a bump. A painful one but youre making it :) and you have friends here who'll help. Im just a stranger but i can tell you if you ever need to talk or vent send a message :hug: my scenario wasnt exactly like yours but i will be able to relate a bit and understand.
Kc-mishi Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Student General Artist
Two years ago, my boyfriend of 6 years dumped me 2 days after Christmas. I ended up in hospital after that. I'd given up everything to be with him but he'd cheated on me twice that I'd known of but I kept taking him back. When he dumped me, it hurt. I believed I loved him, but it was when he began accusing me of things that I'd never done and yelling and screaming at me that I just shattered. I know my version of the pain you're experiencing but that can't compare to what you're going through and I can only empathise with some of that pain.
You have all of us who love you and are willing to be there for you should you even need to ask for someone's shoulder. I know it isn't the same thing, the pain is absolutely shattering and you want nothing more than to have him hold you again and not let go. I don't know what happened between you both, and I won't pry, but we all wish you the best, and even though you'll never 'get over' the pain, hope that at least you can stand and lessen it to be bearable.
OkamiJake Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Student General Artist
..Oh god why didn't you say anything? T_T <3

you are neither dumb/childish or're simply a human. with feelings. love and loyality, the heart doesn't care if something is healthy..or logic. And that a part of that pain will always stay. I know that we from the outside can't do a lot, but just know we're at your side ... just keep going, there /will/ be better times, I promise, but..they need time. You're an incredibly good hearted person Rei-sama. And in the end good always come to good people...and you for certain deserve good things. ><

I know I'm just somewhat of a stranger, but if you need anything - Skype's always running <3
naxrusnekro Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013
Echoes of past pain tears at the at the foundation and wall of our heart, even the very core. Just form reading this I have understood that you are a very brave and strong person and I respect you. Be strong and believe in your heart. I believe in you and I wish you all the good in the world.
glyfy Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hang in there, hon.
me111o Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013
I understand...I've been there. The pain doesn't go away, but you can make room for it, and as impossible as it seems, it IS possible to feel free again (even if you don't want to right now). It took me a few years after mine to really feel somewhat normal again, but I AM here, and I think I'm okay. Even if you don't move on, move up, focus on something else, something to put your heart into. It's gonna be alright.
teascribe Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
The art is nice. And I think it's valid to feel hurt when a relationship ends. However, I hope you can find your own passions and cultivate them, because I think it's sad to have no wants, desires, or goals in life. It's like being adrift at sea. And I think everyone needs their own world. Your own world can't leave you or die, and will always be your home. And if you want to share it someday, you can. I'm not sure if this means anything to you, and I hope it's not annoying. I also hope you feel better soon.
H-Harukana Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Student Artist
lianne29annika Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
this is such a lovely work... it made me teary, i can relate to it... just be strong...
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